Couples Therapy
This was supposed to be great!
Maybe you know what it feels like to be very connected. At one time laughter came easily. It felt natural to be together and you were optimistic. .
But now little annoyances feel big. You both react badly to each other.
Instead of talking, it is easier to avoid difficult issues than take a risk and feel disappointed again.
Emotions get complex and feel confusing. Conversations are unsatisfying. Sometimes there is pervasive ambivalence.
Little annoyances escalate out of proportion and both of you are frustrated.
Usually, when couples start therapy, they have a good idea of their differences, what they are annoyed or angry about. Maybe very annoyed, and very angry, or just simmering and avoiding. They usually know how they want their partner to change, and that is not happening. Each partner feels misunderstood, unappreciated, and alone.
You have tried resolving conflicts, but you are still looking for solutions.
Here is how couples therapy makes it better.
It is possible to have a conversation that resolves your differences, improves how you feel, and moves your relationship forward.
Couples working with me say they feel safe to talk about complex and controversial topics. And they usually feel better every time they leave a session.
We slow it down and take it step by step.
It is not just about conversation; it is about the real you.
You both want and deserve to feel seen, validated, and loved as you are. You want to give this to your partner, and be valued for that.
There is a science to making connection.
“Love is no longer a mystery” (Sue Johnson, Founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy). By employing the science of connection, we can actively cultivate and maintain healthy, lasting relationships.
Innumerable couples have been through this before. While every situation is unique, most problems with couples follow typical patterns. We have been through this before. We understand the problems, and the way to resolve them.
We de-escalate the negative emotions and change the tone of conversation. When conversations happen in a calm and empathic way, the conversation feels better, and it moves forward.
Details, history, and habitual ways of responding come up, but we focus on what is relevant today. We bring your past up to date and focus on what we can do now.
After a few sessions, you can expect to have more clarity about what is happening. You will learn ways to listen and respond in ways that de-escalate the negative emotions and cultivate openness and comfort.
You will gain clarity about your feelings and are likely to feel more commitment to the relationship. Although all differences may not be resolved, you will likely feel calmer, more organized, and more productive in your conversations. You may find more interest and humor!
Change can start now!
You might think, “Sounds good, but my relationship feels bad. I’m not sure anyone can fix it.” That may be a reasonable thought.
But you owe it to yourself and your partner to find out if it can work for you.
To be started, schedule your free consultation on the calendar below or call now: (510) 974-3444.